As a substitute teacher in Traverse City, I came across a lot of issues where I thought that students were seriously lacking in their social education. I'm going to give an example and then explain its significance.
I had two students in an English class one afternoon--let's call them R and T. The directions were for pre-assigned pairs of students to work together to do a very simplistic assignment that would take no longer than one class period, if that. I was the regular substitute in this classroom, so I knew all of the students well, and I know that the teacher had paired R and T for a reason. Both of these students vehemently refused to work with each other. R claimed that he would rather jump out the window than work with T. T said that he would kill R if he had to work with them. Both students opted to face detention and possible suspension, rather than work together.
I think one of the social skills we have to teach is RESPECT.
"You don't have to like each other. You don't have to want to work together. You don't have to be friends. You DO have to learn to respect each other because you DO have to work together."
I didn't get this education until I reached college. Sometimes I struggle with my attitude toward people. I can get pretty haughty and believe that I am right, and if I don't particularly like someone, it is hard to open my ears and listen to them, regardless of what they are saying. But, it is really important to understanding each other and functioning in the real world, as well as our very small microcosm right now. So I do listen, and I do try to gain understanding of others. I think that if I don't like someone, instead of shutting them out, I do try to find something about them that I do like. But this is not something we can impress upon kids if they are so adamant about hating someone.
What we can do for our students is to constantly demand respectful relationships in our classrooms. We've probably all been in that classroom in which the teacher did not stand up for respect, and a student got carried away in a discussion or decides to start picking on another kid, and the teacher didn't want to go out of their own comfort level to stop the problem. Well, I never trusted those teachers. They were chumps. The teachers who demanded that every student be treated with respect by every other student during every second of the class were the ones who had productive, insightful, lasting discussions. They were the ones whom I trusted. And my behavior toward other students in these classes exemplified the respect being demanded of me, even if I didn't like a kid, even if I didn't agree with him or her.
And these are real-world skills that kids need. What job allows you to be crass and disrespectful to other employees? To be sure, the only examples I can think of involve being part of MTV 2 programming.
Another reason we need to be teaching this is because, to be honest, parents are teaching their kids garbage as far as social skills go. Here's another example. My mother is a librarian, and her library has computers that people can use for whatever. A girl came in and demanded to use the computer one day. She was about 14, and her parents were not there. Her mom had dropped her off and driven away. She was very disrespectful to my mother, although my mother was perfectly polite to her. After enduring rude comments from the girl (I can't remember what she said now.), my mom finally said, "This is my place of work, and you need to treat the librarians in here with respect." The girl replied, "Well, my mother taught me that respect is something to be earned."
So apparently this girl had been taught that respect level starts at 0. There is no reason to respect anyone who hasn't proven to you that they are respectable. Basically, this girl will not function in the world and is likely to be beaten up if she crosses the wrong person. Can you imagine her acting rudely and saying that to one of her volatile peers who is also going through hormonal changes and doesn't quite have control of their anger? Just sayin'.
We have to counteract these asinine lessons that they are learning at home.
OK. Enough for now.
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Brittany, you identify one of the really important issues regarding classroom environment. Our students consistently will set aside what we say in favor of what we do, and they need us to help set boundaries and to define a safe environment. My sense is that, given half a chance, most of our students will rally to the cause admirably, but it usually takes someone, ideally the teacher, to foreground the issue of mutual respect, even if it creates an awkward moment or two. I can promise you that you'll get lots of opportunities to practice responding to moments where physical and emotional issues get the best of one or more of your students, and there's lots to learn from the moments where you *wished* you had jumped in, as well as those where you will.
ReplyDeleteJust remember that you need to assume that the parents of your students are doing their best, even if you wonder if they're even trying. Dealing with teenagers can exhaust the most secure and confident among us, and if we're feeling insecure or are lacking confidence, parents can get overwhelmed and make bad decisions or not seize the moments. If we can express appreciation to our parents for the hard jobs they must do, we can win invaluable allies and make a real difference in the bargain.